Keeping the bitch quiet!

Who am I calling a bitch?  It’s me, well part of me at least.  Last time I wrote I shared a bit about how I felt after the first hypnosis session, but I didn’t share it all with you. As I left the session  the conversation in my head went a bit like this..…  Well that didn’t work.  I’ll show her and her 95% statistics.  I’ll show her by making sure this doesn’t work on me.  That will really show her! 

I’ve since thought about that conversation quite a bit.  I even discussed it at my second session with the therapist and we think my inner bitch – was running scared, because she could see change coming and didn’t want it.  Well she didn’t call it my inner bitch, I did, but I think you’ll agree with me she was a bitch!  And pretty stupid too.

The more I think about it – I wonder what is it in me that makes me overeat and allows me to get so overweight.  I’ve read that some people do it as a protection, but I really don’t think that is why I do it.

I know why certain habits are there – eating quickly – so my Dad (sorry Dad, but it’s true) would steal the best bits off my plate, so I always eat quickly to stop him.  But that doesn’t explain why I allow myself to get fat again and again. 

In previous years I’ve had hypnosis treatment where I tried to address this a bit more.  It was very different to what I’m doing now.  At one point I was taken back to being born.  I know, that’s weird, but I found it fascinating too. 

Under hypnosis I described being born and my first sensation was smell – it smelt truly awful – as I talked about it, all I could think about this smell – it was awful and made me screw my face up .  You’re probably wondering what being born has got to do with eating, well the idea was to go back to the first time I eat, which was my mothers milk just after I was born.  I described this too, and I’m afraid it tasted pretty awful, and as a result I had a terrible taste in my mouth for days  We then went on to try and address some food triggers.  But as I never lost any weight after those sessions – it didn’t really work but ut it was fascinating and hopefully it did have an impact that I am benefitting from now.  I still don’t know the answer to why I overeat, but I’m going to try and get to the bottom of it, otherwise even if I’m successful at loosing the pounds and inches this time, I fear that at some point I’ll slip again.

Back to my inner bitch.  She’s getting quieter these days, but she does still rear her stupid head on occasion. In fact the night after my second hypnosis I got home and picked again (a bag of pistachios).  It was the first time in ages, a healthier choice to toast and cheese, but still picking.  This time the bitch was quiet she just took over my actions.   I eat without thinking about why I was doing it. I am going to try and watch out for when she takes over my actions in future, it’s when she is stealth like, that is the real problem.  

So how have I been getting on recently?  In general, OK.  I’m eating pretty healthily during the week, keeping to smaller portions, in smaller bowls.  But when I’m out at weekends, I’m not worrying about it too much.  Apart from the pistachio evening I’m not really picking – which I’m really pleased about.  And in general I’m not having to use will power, I’m just not doing it.  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I sill feel the call from the fridge.  There isn’t much in there apart from veg these days which makes it easier, though I did find some oatcakes and honey the other day when I couldn’t resist having something.

I weighed myself today and was really pleased, especially as I was a cider festival last weekend!  I don’t think I really need to say anything more about that, apart from to add that I also had fish and chips, and they were lovely.  I’ve now lost 24 pounds, since the 26 July which is 8 weeks.

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The picture is of the skirt I bought in a size 16 and is hanging on the outside of the my wardrobe – as a bit a of a goal to work towards.

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